Recently, I woke up one morning and decided to check the verse of the day in the bible app. This is nothing abnormal and something I do on a regular basis. On this day the verse of the day was Jeremiah 29:11, which I have put below.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)
On this morning, given the week I was experiencing I caught myself saying in my head, “Really???” So, if you have ever done this in your own quiet time, I want you to know, you are not alone. In my early days of following Jesus, I would push this doubt aside and blame it on the devil. Then I would proceed to read any similar verses I could find to drown out the little bit of doubt I had building. I believe most of us have these kinds of moments when reading verses like the one above in times of hardship, and too often we deal with it by doing the solution above. We do this to avoid sitting in the quiet with this doubt, due to feeling it is dishonouring to our walk with Jesus to entertain these feelings. In my early time following Jesus, I was even to scared to hold space for my brothers and sisters experiencing these kinds of moments. I would minimise their feelings by sharing countless bible verses to drown out their doubt, until they would lose the will to rebuttal. This unfortunately is not winning for Jesus or healing for our brothers and sisters going through hardship.
In these moments of doubt, God is waiting to lead us through this doubt if we sit in silence with them. Sitting in this silence will lead to us having more divine spiritual growth, than we could ever imagine. For this to happen we must be willing to wrestle with God in the silence bearing our whole heart vulnerably to them with no strings attached. The growth that happens in these is what theologians’ call, A Dark Night of the Soul. These are extremely challenging moments of hardship, doubt, and pain where we vulnerably wrestle with God bearing our whole self, even the parts of our self we wish weren’t there.
This change leaves us divinely impacted moving forward, like Jacob following his own dark night of the soul in Genesis 32 before being reunited with his brother Esau. If you have never read this story in scripture, I encourage you to. In this story Jacob’s, whole world appears to be crumbling, and all his deceit seems to be catching up to him. He fears that his brother Esau is coming to kill him due to him stealing his birthright (inheritance) along with the family blessing from his father. Jacob does this by deceit and using some key strategical moments, under the guidance from his mother.
Now, I know this is an oversimplification, but there is something to be said for Jacob assuming this is the end and Esau has come to destroy him. In this moment of hardship and pain Jacob has a divine wrestle with God that theologians call a dark night of the soul. After this night, Jacob’s name is changed by God to Israel, which means to wrestle with God. Not only is Jacob’s name changed but he walks away with divine limp. Something is clear though, that he chose to wrestle in silence with God instead of running.
So, where am I going with all this information and how does this tie into where I started with Jeremiah 29:11? The verse above is true but for us to walk into the future God has prepared for us, we must first walk into the doubt. Walking into this doubt allows for us to truly face our fears leading us through our own Dark Night of the Soul, which will leave us forever changed and divinely impacted. We are made stronger when we vulnerably wrestle with God, bearing our whole self, even if that is dissatisfaction with God and our current circumstance.
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