Midrash is a powerful tool that helps scripture come to life in a beautiful way. Midrash allows us to speak and create a larger story by using our divinely designed creativity to be captivated by the stories within scripture in the presence of God.The following is a Midrash that explores the story of Judas betrayal found in scripture from the perspective of Judas.
Have you ever wanted something so badly you would do anything for it? For as long as I can remember I have longed for the Messiah that would save our people from Roman rule. Since King David we have been held captive by empire after empire…...even exiled from our homes. My family has passed down these stories and teaching from our ancient scriptures. They were often told to us in the morning and before bed.
When I was a boy, I longed to be a Pharisee, like so many others in my village, yet I was not able to meet the standards. This happened to most of the other boys in my village as well, which made it easier for me to move forward after my dream was crushed. This led to me being taught the trade of my family which would provide for my future family. I loved learning this trade and continuing to hear more stories of the God who would soon send a Messiah to save us from oppression.
The Romans made it hard for us to find joy because they rule with an iron fist. Charging us taxes we cannot afford and hanging Jews daily on a cross to show us their power and what awaits us if we rebel. I spent my life imagining what it would look like when the Messiah comes (a term which has many meanings in my culture) and rebels against Roman rule. Giving us the glory promised by our God to Abraham, Jacob, and Moses which would place Israel as a light to shine over all the kingdoms on earth. I know I am not able to lead anything like this for God has not called me and I am far from the Messiah. Trying to memorise the Torah as a child was complicated enough for me and led to a crushed childhood dream.
Therefore, when I heard of a man named Jesus from Nazareth who was teaching and preforming miracles, I had to find out more. I still remember the day he called me to follow him! I pinched myself, amazed he saw me as someone good enough when so many in the past did not. When he called me, I followed him and left everything behind because I knew he was THE MESSIAH!
You would have to if you had been around him to hear him teach and unpack truths from God like the ancient prophets of old. Not only did he unpack things, but he performed miracles that showed his power was beyond measure! He even raised people from the dead and near death, telling us they were only sleeping. Alluding to his power over life and death! I love Jesus of Nazareth so much and believe he is truly the Messiah.
Sadly, though he does not use his power to rebel against Roman rule and instead we go on journeys walking past many crucifixions of our Jewish brothers. Instead of rebelling, he speaks of love and humility. The moment I knew something had to be done was when I heard him speak about how if someone ‘strikes our cheek,’ to simply turn and offer ‘the other.’ He tells us to love our enemy while having the power to DESTROY our enemy! He chooses to do nothing about our oppression from the Roman Empire. This is not what I thought the Messiah would do when he came…..
I am left asking myself constantly…... “WHY?”
How are the Romans not deserving of the justices and vengeance of God? They have killed so many Jews and taxed us so heavily we can barely afford to survive. Our temples are even overrun by them, and they place their hands all over our religious practises. YAHWEH would not do nothing!!! The stories of scripture are clear he would bring vengeance and justices for us like he did when we left Egypt!
That is why I conspired with the Pharisees who want Jesus dead because of His power. My thinking is maybe the Messiah needs a push to show his power and begin the rebellion I know YAHWEH is calling for because justice and vengeance is YAHWEH’s! Therefore, I will betray Jesus after dinner for I know his plans afterwards and will lead the Pharisees soldiers and guards to him. Maybe then he will show his power and lead this rebellion bringing us total freedom from the Roman Empire.
This dinner is very strange though because it is not like any Passover dinner I have done before. When we arrive, Jesus washes our feet himself. Peter tells him he cannot at first, but Jesus’s response is interesting. He talks of how those who are a part of him are washed by him. Then Peter gets too eager demanding he washes his whole body. This is normal for Peter he is by far the most unpredictable disciple of Jesus. Jesus tells him we have already been bathed and he needs only to wash our feet but then he tells us ‘Not all of us are clean.’ In that moment, I knew he was talking about me……...
Does he not know why……? He must understand that we MUST rebel against the Romans or else…...?
My blood begins to boil, and my heart even skips a couple beats…. I can barely sit down at the table, and I just want to run to ignite this rebellion. I know this will make too much of a scene so instead I sit like normal. Then out of nowhere Jesus predicts one of us will betray him!!! How does he know about this betrayal? As he speaks this, I feel his eyes lock onto mine and I feel my heart break a little…… Am I doing the right thing??? I cannot back out now and this rebellion must happen. He will see this in the end and if my betrayal can lead to the restoration of Israel, it is worth it.
Then he calls me out in front of everyone but like always the others do not understand him…. He dips a piece of bread and tells us the next person he gives it to is the one who will betray him. Then gives it to me!!!! After this he looks at me and into the depth of my soul and tells me to, “What you’re doing, do quickly.” The others think since I look after the money that he is telling me to pay for food. They never see the picture like I do though, we have often disagreed in the past….
For a moment I think of falling at his feet and asking him to forgive me. Then telling him the plans that await him…. But something happens in my soul…. A burning from within that knows this rebellion needs to begin. It is like a voice is telling me he will show his power when I bring them to him. With all this happening within me so fast, I leave the table to go through with the plans. Besides, it will bring money for the rebellion, so I head to location planned to get the silver from the Pharisees then lead their guards and soldiers to Jesus.
We arrive and Jesus knows and is waiting with the others. When I approach to show everyone which one is Jesus by giving him a kiss (since it is night-time and very dark). He stops me right before I give him a kiss on the cheek and speaks to me saying, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?” My whole body seems to freeze, and I struggle to remember the next moments.
The other disciples are ready to fight for him though and one of them cuts the ear off one of the Pharisees guards. My heart begins to jump, and I finally feel the rebellion will begin!! First by showing these Pharisees the power of the Messiah then the Romans!!
Sadly, none of that happens and instead Jesus yells, “No more of this,” then heals the ear of the solider. He hands himself over and points to the mob saying there is no need for weapons because his kingdom has no place for violence and oppression…. And they led the Messiah away and all the disciples’ scatter…. I stand there for a second just frozen in disbelief about my actions and my heart breaks more and more…. Realising I have gotten it wrong about this rebellion and my understanding of the Messiah was flawed. There is no chance for a do over though because unless Jesus unleashes his power on the Pharisees…. he will soon die. I have led the Messiah to his own death.
I watch at a distance, and everything plays out just as I would have expected since he chooses not to show his power. After he is sentence to crucifixion, I can barely live with myself and race to return the money. This blood money stings my pockets as I run to the chief priest and elders to return it. I tell them I have sinned by betraying Jesus, and they just look at me coldly. They tell me, “What is that to them,” and tell me to “See to it myself.” So, I run to the temple throwing the silver in and then I rushed to end my life because of the sin I have committed against the Messiah.
The last thought I think before I hang myself is, “Will Jesus forgive me for being wrong about the rebellion?”
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